Infatuation Rules
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How do I know if I'm emotionally damaged?

People who feel emotionally broken have low-self esteem and tend to be unhappy. You may feel hopeless or in despair. Perhaps you feel inadequate or unworthy of love. Of course, none of these things are true, but they're common for people who believe they are broken.

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People who feel emotionally broken have low-self esteem and tend to be unhappy. You may feel hopeless or in despair. Perhaps you feel inadequate or unworthy of love. Of course, none of these things are true, but they’re common for people who believe they are broken. Some other characteristics of a broken person are having toxic beliefs about dating, love, and sex. You may get upset when you see people who are happy and in love. You might see potential romantic partners as opponents. People who feel emotionally broken would rather be alone than burden others with their brokenness. Often people who think they’re broken are afraid. Maybe you’re afraid no one will find you attractive. Or just the opposite – what if someone does find you attractive, then what do you do? There’s also fear that if someone gets to know the “real you” they’ll run away or hurt you. You may be insecure and choose romantic relationships or dates based on what you think other people expect from you and not what you actually want. Maybe you don’t know what you want because you’re afraid that you’re not enough for anyone. If you’ve experienced abuse of any kind you may, understandably, have commitment issues. You may also have had to defend yourself verbally or physically in previous relationships. This can lead to a pattern of becoming abusive towards others. These characteristics of a broken person are all a result of what happened to you. The part that matters is what you do next. If you find yourself feeling any of these things, it’s important that you seek counseling to help assuage your fears, increase your self-esteem, and help you work through the emotional aftermath of abuse so that you can have healthy relationships.

Signs You Are Not Emotionally Broken

I understand that the characteristics of a broken person I’ve laid out may resonate loudly with you. But now it’s time to look at all the signs that you’re not emotionally broken. And if you’re not there yet, these are things to aspire to and work on in emotional trauma therapy. You’re not emotionally broken if you’re willing to be open to the possibility of love. You’re able to be vulnerable with another human being despite being afraid that they’ll run away from you. You still have the ability to love, no matter what difficulties you’ve been through. Despite the trauma you’ve endured, and however you’ve responded to trauma so far, you are able to communicate your needs and desires to another person. You’re able to talk about what happened to you, whether it’s with a counselor, a friend, or a significant other. You’re able to communicate your needs, especially when it comes to physical intimacy if you’ve been sexually abused, and talk to your partner about what does and doesn’t work for you. You can communicate when you feel overwhelmed, have a flashback, or start to dissociate. You allow other people in, despite feeling emotionally broken.

Falling in Love With a Damaged Person

I don’t like calling anyone “damaged,” but many of my clients believe that they are. If you feel damaged and broken, you may not see that you are worthy of love. But there are plenty of people who do love you. If you let them in, you might just find love more easily than you thought.

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What are the three C's in a relationship?

A strong and healthy relationship is built on the three C's: Communication, Compromise and Commitment. Think about how to use communication to make your partner feel needed, desired and appreciated.

February may be the month of love, but it takes more than chocolates, flowers and dinner dates to make a relationship work. A strong and healthy relationship is built on the three C’s: Communication, Compromise and Commitment. Whether starting a new relationship or celebrating decades of marriage, here is a refresher course in the three C’s:

Communication

Think about how to use communication to make your partner feel needed, desired and appreciated. Communication is verbal and non-verbal, so actions speak volumes, and remember that listening is a major component of healthy communication. It’s not always what is said, but how it is said, that’s important. If a couple communicates with aggression, the silent treatment or abusive language or actions, it signals concerns that might best be addressed by a professional.

Compromise

Two people in a relationship bring individual experiences, thoughts, behaviors and personalities to the table. Finding common ground means expressing opinions, understanding and accepting differences and agreeing on compromise. If both people feel heard and understood, it helps prevent one person from feeling like they’re giving in, which can build resentment over time.

Commitment

Commitment means putting each other and the relationship first. This requires a lot of giving, and certainly some sacrifice, but the payoff is a relationship that brings true joy and fulfillment to each other’s lives. Knowing that each person is committed to working through challenges and growing together builds trust and intimacy, and helps release the fears and doubts that hold couples back. Relationships can be challenging, and can take a toll on mental, emotional and physical health, mood, or even focus at work. For help with any relationship or personal concern, contact your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) provided by ACI Specialty Benefits at 800.932.0034 or eapinfo@acispecialtybenefits.com.

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