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How a narcissist uses an empath?

choosingtherapy.com - The Dangerous Relationship Between Empaths & Narcissists

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What Is a Narcissist?

A narcissist is someone who views themselves in a higher than thou attitude, where they believe they are more special and deserving of things. They tend to have a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder, which is marked by grandiose thinking, inflated sense of ego, lack of empathy, and a need to be admired by all. Deep down, they have deeply rooted insecurities and fears which are covered up by these narcissist traits.

What Is an Empath?

Empaths are attuned to others’ emotions and are sensitive to feelings of other people. They tend to prioritize the needs of others ahead of their own and give without being asked. They feel deeply and feel good about helping others so much so that they can absorb others’ emotions. Empaths tend to be overflowing with compassion for other people.1

Why Are Empaths & Narcissists Attracted to Each Other?

Given their great amount of compassion, the empath is prone to absorbing the emotions and energy of others. When they meet a narcissist, the energy they sense triggers something in them that ignites their need to comfort the narcissist, beginning the cycle of narcissistic supply. Usually, the empath believes (often subconsciously) they can heal and help the narcissist, so they pour themselves into showing the narcissist their worth, but the narcissist never will see it. The narcissist in this position will take advantage of the empath and see their compassion as weakness. The attraction between the two is profoundly due to their complementary desires, unhealthy as it may be to seek attention and validation from one another. These are likely to become more problematic if the empath has a tendency to be more codependent in relationships. Narcissists tend to deflect all their feelings onto others because of their underlying pain and insecurity. They too may have had narcissist caregivers or parents, or experienced some kind of abuse or traumatic event that shaped their upbringing. However, this is not an excuse for the emotional and sometimes physical abuse inflicted on their partners, who become victims. The narcissist has the opportunity to exploit the empath’s need for love for their own fulfillment. In this sense, the narcissist is unlikely to consider their actions as problems. Until they are able to reflect on their own behaviors and feel their feelings, the narcissist will not change.2

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The narcissist is able to keep the empath in a cycle of emotional or physical abuse and continue to demoralize the empath and use them as the scapegoat for their own dysfunctional feelings. Empaths tend to internalize feelings and accept blame. The narcissist then portrays themself as the victim when in fact the empath is the true victim. The only option an empath has here is to decide whether they want to continue to be in a relationship with a narcissist or take themselves out of the equation so the narcissist has to take ownership of their own feelings. If the former, it’s likely that the empath has formed a trauma bond with the narcissist, which can be hard to break out of or even recognize. If the latter, the narcissists will discard the empath instantaneously—adding insult to injury for the empath. The narcissist will be quick to find another victim so they can continue to get their narcissistic supply.3 We tend to replay scenarios in our adult romantic relationships based on our childhood attachment style and experiences with our caregivers and parents. Empaths tend to desire validation and love from a narcissist, potentially due to their childhood experience of not having their emotional needs met by a caregiver or parent. Likely, an empath had a narcissistic parent, or experienced some kind of emotional neglect in which they learned that love is conditional. This has set them up for heartbreak in their adulthood.

choosingtherapy.com - The Dangerous Relationship Between Empaths & Narcissists

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