Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Sarah Chai
“The No Contact rule is where you don't call, text, or message an ex in any way after the breakup. It includes not talking to their friends or family about them or the breakup itself,” says dating and breakup coach Lee Wilson.
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Read More »When it comes to breaking up with an ex and making it stick, sometimes the best route to go is to employ the No Contact rule. “The No Contact rule is where you don’t call, text, or message an ex in any way after the breakup. It includes not talking to their friends or family about them or the breakup itself,” says dating and breakup coach Lee Wilson . The No Contact rule is so effective because it allows you to sit with your grief and wounds and not plug up any holes or feelings of brokenness with someone else, as sex and grief coach Breeshia Wade, explains. In painful breakups, "the grief can be so palpable that we will do anything to soothe the pain in a given moment, even if that immediate action leads to greater, long-term suffering," Wade says. When you go no-contact, this can help you properly acknowledge a loss and mourn it, and eventually create space for something new, Wade adds. This content is imported from poll. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site. It's easy to trick yourself into thinking you might get back together if you keep texting your ex all the time and nothing really feels that different from pre-breakup. But, as Wade says, that kind of short-term soothing can be harmful in the long run. Denying to yourself that the relationship wasn't working isn't going to do you any favors, believe me. However, if you start to live without their presence in your life, moving on can become much easier. Wade also says that the No Contact rule can help you move towards experiencing and transforming your grief as opposed to distracting and soothing.
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Read More »And once you've gone and deleted their number and blocked them, it can be even more tempting to email their work email or find some other way to pop back into their life when you start to miss them...but you must resist! Don't hit them up because you miss them, Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, clinical psychologist at Lenox Hill Hospital in NYC says. Remember, "the function of this time is to process your own thoughts, feelings, and needs without the impingement of [someone else," Romanoff adds. Sit with your grief and loneliness and learn to process it instead of running from it. There’s also no set timeline either. If it works for you to have a monthlong No Contact rule, do your thing. If you want to be like me and permanently cut them out of your life for good, go for it. “Do it for as long as it takes,” says Wilson.
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Read More »I was the one who suggested going a few months without talking, so I deleted his number and muted all his social channels. But every once in a while, he texts me and it confuses me. It definitely makes it harder to get over him, and every time he reaches out and we talk for a little bit, I feel like I’m starting over with my feelings.” —Kiara, 24 “I did it and it helped. By no longer letting him in, I was able to discover myself again .” —Alex, 27 .” —Alex, 27 “I chose to do the No Contact rule for six months because we wanted different things. It would’ve been very troublesome to stay in contact knowing that we wanted two different things. It hurt because it’s hard to quit anything cold turkey, but it was a good choice because it showed me that I could be on my own and be happy without being in contact with him or having him be a part of my daily life.” —Kaley, 25
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