Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Marcus Aurelius
Summary: Romance does not have to fizzle out in long-term relationships and progress into a companionship/friendship-type love, a new study has found. Romantic love can last a lifetime and lead to happier, healthier relationships.
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Read More »Romance does not have to fizzle out in long-term relationships and progress into a companionship/friendship-type love, a new study has found. Romantic love can last a lifetime and lead to happier, healthier relationships. "Many believe that romantic love is the same as passionate love," said lead researcher Bianca P. Acevedo, PhD, then at Stony Brook University (currently at University of California, Santa Barbara). "It isn't. Romantic love has the intensity, engagement and sexual chemistry that passionate love has, minus the obsessive component. Passionate or obsessive love includes feelings of uncertainty and anxiety. This kind of love helps drive the shorter relationships but not the longer ones." These findings appear in the March issue of Review of General Psychology, published by the American Psychological Association. Acevedo and co-researcher Arthur Aron, PhD, reviewed 25 studies with 6,070 individuals in short- and long-term relationships to find out whether romantic love is associated with more satisfaction. To determine this, they classified the relationships in each of the studies as romantic, passionate (romantic with obsession) or friendship-like love and categorized them as long- or short-term. The researchers looked at 17 short-term relationship studies, which included 18- to 23-year-old college students who were single, dating or married, with the average relationship lasting less than four years. They also looked at 10 long-term relationship studies comprising middle-aged couples who were typically married 10 years or more. Two of the studies included both long- and short-term relationships in which it was possible to distinguish the two samples. The review found that those who reported greater romantic love were more satisfied in both the short- and long-term relationships. Companion-like love was only moderately associated with satisfaction in both short- and long-term relationships. And those who reported greater passionate love in their relationships were more satisfied in the short term compared to the long term. Couples who reported more satisfaction in their relationships also reported being happier and having higher self-esteem. Feeling that a partner is "there for you" makes for a good relationship, Acevedo said, and facilitates feelings of romantic love. On the other hand, "feelings of insecurity are generally associated with lower satisfaction, and in some cases may spark conflict in the relationship. This can manifest into obsessive love," she said. This discovery may change people's expectations of what they want in long-term relationships. According to the authors, companionship love, which is what many couples see as the natural progression of a successful relationship, may be an unnecessary compromise. "Couples should strive for love with all the trimmings," Acevedo said. "And couples who've been together a long time and wish to get back their romantic edge should know it is an attainable goal that, like most good things in life, requires energy and devotion."
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Read More »“Many couples do remain friends, although not always right away. [However], if you and your ex already mutually know that your friendship love is solid [and] you just didn't work as lovers, then feel free to enjoy your friendship right away.”
First thing's first: The experts agree that being friends with a former flame is achievable, but only in specific cases. “Yes, it is possible to be friends with an ex right after the breakup, especially if you have had a strong foundation built on friendship before you became lovers,” Celia Schweyer, dating expert at Dating Scout, tells Elite Daily. “There are a lot of ex-couples who became friends right away even if the reason behind the breakup was a painful one. This is because they are capable of understanding each other, and they know exactly what went wrong in the relationship.” However, Schweyer adds that this situation is not very common. ”Not all people would want to stay friends with their exes right after the breakup. This is not because they are cowards or whatnot. It’s just that they need to take a step back and take the time to recover from the breakup,” she says. How do you know whether or not your situation is conducive to rekindling a friendship? The only way to know for sure, psychologist and relationship expert, Dr. Lindsay Jernigan, tells Elite Daily, is to trust your instincts and be open in your communication. “One of the great and challenging things about relationships is that there are no rules! What is right for one person or couple may not be what is right for the next. So the key is to tune into what is authentically right for you and your ex,” she explains. “Many couples do remain friends, although not always right away. [However], if you and your ex already mutually know that your friendship love is solid [and] you just didn't work as lovers, then feel free to enjoy your friendship right away.”
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