Does everybody cheat in a relationship?

At the higher end of estimates, 75% of men and 68% of women admitted to cheating in some way, at some point, in a relationship (although, more up-to-date research from 2017 suggests that men and women are now engaging in infidelity at similar rates).

bbc.com - Why we need to talk about cheating - BBC Future

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Mike Pence refuses to dine alone with women other than his wife. For the US vice president it is a mark of respect for his wife, Karen, and a rule guided by his strong religious convictions. Some commentators have hailed it the solution for men unable to control themselves, others call it patronising, sexist and insulting. (It is not an entirely rare attitude, however: in one study, around 5.7% of people surveyed thought that buying food for someone of the opposite sex would qualify as an act of infidelity.) Whatever you think about Pence’s justifications, at least he and Karen have clear boundaries about what is appropriate to do with people of the opposite sex – which is more than can be said for a lot of heterosexual couples. Most people rarely have good definitions of exactly what it means to be unfaithful, and vastly underestimate how likely it is that some kind of betrayal will occur (despite being unfaithful themselves). They also have little understanding of how they will deal with infidelity if it does occur (with many people’s reactions surprising them). Given its prevalence, that’s lack of communication and understanding is causing a lot of heartbreak – and many psychologists suggest that we should have much more open conversations about cheating.

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Working out how many people have ever been unfaithful is challenging, not least because researchers are reliant on the honest confessions of cheaters. As a result, estimates of infidelity can vary wildly and are often affected by how data are collected. At the higher end of estimates, 75% of men and 68% of women admitted to cheating in some way, at some point, in a relationship (although, more up-to-date research from 2017 suggests that men and women are now engaging in infidelity at similar rates). One of the lowest published rates of infidelity is 14% – still a sizeable number. Yet only 5% of people believe that their own partner had cheated or will cheat at some point in their relationship, meaning that even the most conservative estimates would suggest that this happens much more frequently than expected. Perhaps we’re too trusting of our partners. “Those of us who are not depressed generally have a really inflated sense of how likely good things will happen and unduly low sense that bad things will happen,” says Susan Boon of the University of Calgary. “One possibility is that our low presumption that our partners will cheat on us is a manifestation of that. Alternatively, when you are in a relationship it might be helpful to have faith in your partner because it would be unhealthy to monitor their behaviour all the time.” Here lies one of the issues; cheating means different things to different people. Researchers might pre-define what cheating constitutes to them, but everyone has a different interpretation, so interviewees might not agree with them.

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