Infatuation Rules
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Does distance increase attraction?

In matters of relative performance, distance influences attraction. For example, someone of greater intelligence seems attractive when they're distant or far away in your mind.

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Research News

Distance influences attraction, UB research finds

By BERT GAMBINI

“How much you like someone or how much you are attracted to them is affected by how intelligent that person is relative to you and how close that person is relative to you. ” What people believe they want and what they might actually prefer are not always the same thing. And in the case of being outperformed as an element of romantic attraction, the difference between genuine affinity and apparent desirability becomes clearer as the distance between two people gets smaller. In matters of relative performance, distance influences attraction. For example, someone of greater intelligence seems attractive when they’re distant or far away in your mind. But less so when that same person is right next to you, according to a new study by a UB-led research team published in the latest edition of the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. “We found that men preferred women who are smarter than them in psychologically distant situations. Men rely on their ideal preferences when a woman is hypothetical or imagined,” says Lora Park, associate professor in the Department of Psychology and the study’s principal investigator. “But in live interaction, men distanced themselves and were less attracted to a woman who outperformed them in intelligence.” Previous research has shown that similarities between individuals can affect attraction. This new set of studies suggests that psychological distance — whether someone is construed as being near or far in relation to the self — plays a key role in determining attraction. “It’s the distinction between the abstract and the immediate,” Park says. “There is a disconnect between what people appear to like in the abstract when someone is unknown and when that same person is with them in some immediate social context.” Even though the research focus of the current study was on romantic attraction and, specifically, men’s interest in women, Park says the result might potentially be a broader phenomenon, extending to other interpersonal situations. “That’s a question for future research,” she notes. “But presumably, anyone who is outperformed by someone close to them might feel threatened themselves. We just happened to look at men in a romantic dating context.” Park’s team conducted six separate studies involving 650 young adult subjects. The studies ranged from presenting subjects with hypothetical women, to women they expected to meet, to actually engaging in an interpersonal interaction. “In each case, how much you like someone or how much you are attracted to them is affected by how intelligent that person is relative to you and how close that person is relative to you,” she says. But the area of performance has to be something important to the individual. “The domain matters,” she says. “If you don’t care about the domain, you might not be threatened. Yet, if you care a lot about the domain, then you might prefer that quality in somebody who is distant, then feel threatened when that person gets close to you.”

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Do online relationships work?

Yes, it is possible to develop a genuine and meaningful connection with another person over the internet! Some online relationships eventually transition to long-term in person partnerships or marriages.

This article was co-authored by Joshua Pompey and by wikiHow staff writer, Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA . Joshua Pompey is a Relationship Expert with over 10 years of helping people navigate the online dating world. Joshua has run his own relationship consulting business since 2009 at a success rate of over 99%. His work has been featured in CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired, and Refinery29 and he has been referred to as the best online dater in the world. This article has been viewed 415,229 times.

Article Summary

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Being in an online relationship can be thrilling and deeply emotional, but it can also leave you with feelings of uncertainty. To maintain an online relationship, work to stay connected and create intimacy for a successful future together. Use email, instant messenger, messaging apps, texts, and phone calls to maintain daily communication. Set aside at least 30 minutes a day for more intimate conversations so you can get to know each other really well. Share details about your backgrounds, interests, and goals in life. You can also follow each other on social media, which will also give you some insight into each others’ friends and family. In addition to your daily check-ins and longer chats, try to video chat at least once a week so you can see each other, which can help you feel more connected. Another way to feel more connected is to do things together while you’re on the phone or online, like playing an online game together, going for a walk at the same time, or eating dinner. To learn how to plan in-person meetings, keep reading!

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