Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Mikhail Nilov
Key points. Narcissists are fully aware that they are narcissistic and have a reputation as such. Narcissists would rather be admired than liked. Narcissists are masters at making first impressions, leading them to do better with short-term relationships.
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Read More »Think of your friendly neighborhood narcissist—status-seeking, grandiose, loud-mouthed, brash, and flamboyant. Many researchers have also theorized that a lack of self-awareness is a hallmark trait of narcissists. My personal experience does not support this: It seems to me as though such people are not only aware of who they are, but they embrace it. Luckily, I don't have to rely on personal anecdotes. To get to the bottom of this question, Erika Carlson and her colleagues at Washington University in St. Louis conducted three very well-constructed studies to determine whether narcissists have insight into their personality and reputation. The results will soon be published in the prestigious Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. The researchers administered a number of different measures of narcissism to college students and looked at how high-scorers were seen by others; how they saw themselves; and how they believed they were seen by others. They looked across social contexts and interviewed new acquaintances as well as friends and family. Their results across the three studies are strikingly consistent. Unsurprisingly, they found that narcissists do think they are hot stuff. Those scoring high in narcissism measures tended to rate themselves as more intelligent, physically attractive, likable, and funny than others. Interestingly, they also rated themselves as having higher levels of negative aspects of narcissism, such as being power-oriented, impulsive, arrogant, and prone to exaggerate their abilities. In other words, narcissists are aware that they are narcissists. There was also a strong positive correlation between narcissism and having a reputation for narcissism: These individuals were definitely perceived as narcissists, even though other people didn't think the narcissists were nearly as great as the narcissists thought they were. And the narcissists were well aware of their reputation: When asked how others perceived them on the positive traits, their results were closer to how they were actually perceived than their own self-perceptions of the very same traits.
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Read More »"Narcissists believe that they are exceptional people and may behave in arrogant ways because they are attempting to bridge the gap between their self-perceptions and their meta-perceptions." The researchers also suggest it's possible that narcissists maintain their self-image by misconstruing the meaning of narcissism. When told they are arrogant, instead of thinking they are "someone who is confident without merit," they may take it as a compliment, thinking to themselves: Sure I'm arrogant, if by that you mean "deservedly confident." As the researchers note, "Narcissists seem to choose honest arrogance when describing themselves and their reputation." The results of this study as well as prior studies suggest that narcissists do care more about being perceived as superior on agentic traits (industriousness, assertiveness, dominance) than on communal traits (agreeableness and honesty). Narcissists don't seem to care whether they are perceived as good people; they'd rather be admired than liked. So perhaps the narcissists in this study construed supposedly negative aspects of narcissism (e.g., arrogance) as desirable. Of course, it's also possible that narcissists are fully aware of the meaning of narcissism and the negative impact they have on others, but just don't care as long as it doesn't get in the way of their goals. The researchers also found that new acquaintances viewed narcissists more positively than well-acquainted others. Those who just met the narcissists did tend to have a favorable impression of those individuals, whereas those who knew them much longer tended to have a much more negative impression. Again, the narcissists in their sample were fully aware of this. The results suggest that narcissists understand that they make positive first impressions that deteriorate over time. These results are consistent with prior research showing that narcissists have trouble forming long-term relationships. They tend to think they are "too good" for most people and are always seeking "better" relationship alternatives. The results are also consistent with research showing that narcissists are masters of making first impressions. As researchers have suggested, the narcissist's success at creating initial attraction may make short-term contexts more rewarding for them than longer-term contexts: "It is possible that narcissists discontinue relationships early on because they cannot bridge the gap between their positive self-perceptions and relatively negative meta-perceptions."
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