Photo: Anete Lusina

Do long-distance relationships ever work?

First of all, be comforted in knowing that long distance relationships can absolutely succeed. In fact, most couples find themselves geographically separated at some point during their dating or marriage relationship. Many couples even point to a season of long distance as the cornerstone of a stronger relationship.

getlasting.com - Therapists Share How to Make Long Distance Relationships Work - Lasting

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3. Remind your partner frequently what you love about your relationship.

Doubts, insecurities, and jealousy can run high in long distance relationships simply because you’re spending so much time away from each other. This is why therapists at Lasting recommend using frequent verbal assurances with one another. They help minimize these negative feelings and clarify where you stand as a couple. The next time you talk, tell your partner how much you love and appreciate your relationship. And if you’re feeling uncertain about where you stand, don’t be afraid to ask for reassurance for yourself. “I love you and wish we could be together today,” is as wonderful to say as it is to hear.

4. Forge a secure attachment by supporting each other's interests.

Whether you’re together or far apart, you and your partner will continue to grow and change as life moves forward. That is both normal and a good thing—even if it forces your relationship to change some in the process. According to Lasting’s therapists, long distance couples who have a secure attachment together are able to let each other grow and mature. They find ways to stay connected and push each other forward. In a secure attachment relationship, personal growth and change is healthy. It’s a product of security and safety in the relationship. One of the best things you can do to promote a secure attachment is supporting your partner as they grow in their individual strengths and interests. While it might be frustrating if her new volleyball practice cuts into your nightly catch-up time, it’s important to encourage her to do what she loves—just as she should for you.

5. Find a way to hang out together while apart.

Research shows that interdependent relationships are proven to be the healthiest form of relationships for marriage. What does that mean? That means you and your partner do things in sync together while maintaining your own separate identities as individuals. Chances are your long-distance circumstances are forcing you do to more things independently than you would probably like, which is why it’s really important to identify a few activities you can do remotely but together. According to marriage therapist Liz Colizza, having shared experiences with your long-distance partner increases the cohesion of your relationship. “Finding things you can do together as a couple pays off big time in helping you feel more connected. That’s a huge win when it feels like the distance is pulling you in two different directions.”

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Whether it’s using Lasting, reading the same book, streaming the same show while talking on the phone, playing games online, listening to the same playlist, or even eating at the same chain restaurant on the same night—all of these can help you and your partner feel more interdependent and, ultimately, more connected. p.s. Did you know? 94% of couples report new strengths when using the Lasting app together.

6. Learn how to address important issues both remotely and in person.

Whether you’re living under the same roof or oceans apart, all couples need to learn healthy ways to talk about and resolve conflicts. Bigger problems can arise if you ignore little struggles or are unwilling to address sensitive topics. One military spouse experienced this when she and her husband were dating long distance. “I never felt comfortable bringing up tricky issues over the phone. But when I went to visit him, I didn’t want to ruin our time together by starting an argument. It created this vicious cycle where I felt I could never share what was bothering me. I would eventually blow up and break up with him. It was so unfair though, because he had no idea anything was even wrong.” If you’re struggling to bring up difficult topics, using the Lasting app together can help ease you in to those conversations. You can also get more personalized support with a therapist through Talkspace. Learning how to talk about difficult topics takes time and effort, but it’s essential to the health of your long-distance relationship to not let small problems balloon into bigger ones.

getlasting.com - Therapists Share How to Make Long Distance Relationships Work - Lasting

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