Photo: Kyle Loftus

Do guys forget their ex easily?

Because according to a study which began back in 2000, and assessed the emotional state of 2,000 divorced men and women once before revisiting them anywhere between 6 and 9 years later, men don't tend to properly get over their past significant relationships.

cosmopolitan.com - Scientific study reveals men never actually get over breakups

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Breakups are crap, no matter what the circumstances. But generally speaking, what makes them feel even worse is the fact that while you're sat at home surrounded by a mountain of tissues, your mum, your best friends and He's Just Not That Into You playing on repeat; some brief Facebook stalking tends to reveal that he's out getting drunk and having a fun time as usual with his friends. It can feel like they don't care. And even though deep down we know it's just the stereotypical approach men take to dealing with upsetting things; covering up that there's anything wrong in the first place and getting on with it, it can really hurt. But science is here to remind you that they do care; and in fact, they'll care for a hell of a lot longer than you will. Because according to a study which began back in 2000, and assessed the emotional state of 2,000 divorced men and women once before revisiting them anywhere between 6 and 9 years later, men don't tend to properly get over their past significant relationships. The women in the study showed indications of having become more extravert in the years following their divorces, whereas the men became evidently more emotionally unstable in the wake of the split. Which proves that, although a breakup tends to hit women harder in the beginning, they actually get over it in the long run, whereas men will hold onto the sad feelings surrounding the separation for years to come.

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And another study backs up the theory. Carried out by Craig Morris, a research associate at Binghamton University, 5,705 participants from 96 countries were assessed about how quickly they got over their former partners, and it was found that, on average, men tended to suffer for longer than women. "The man will likely feel the loss deeply and for a very long period of time as it sinks in that he must start competing all over again to replace what he has lost - or worse still, come to the realisation that the loss is irreplaceable," Morris explains. So just remember that next time your heart is aching and you think he couldn't care less. It just hurts different people in different ways.

[H/T i100]

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How do I know if it's love or infatuation?

Sternberg's theory of love, infatuation is rooted in passion; you're wildly attracted to the person, you're excited to see them, the sex is great, etc. Meanwhile, romantic love is rooted in both passion and intimacy; you have all the ingredients of infatuation, coupled with friendship, trust, support, etc.

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2. Ask probing questions

You need to get beyond the person’s day-to-day, and into the stuff of their dreams. If you’ve been dating for a while—at least a few months—you should feel free to ask where they see their life going, if they want kids, if they envision getting married one day, if they want to travel, what kind of life they want to have. This is how you see if you’re evolving in the same direction, and if you can complement each other along the way. It’s shocking to me how many people don’t ask the deeper questions, and end up wasting time with someone who isn’t in it for the same reasons (i.e. marriage, kids, commitment) that they are.

3. Talk on the phone

When I was dating, a weird sign developed among every person who was seriously invested in building a relationship with me: They’d call me on the phone. Hearing someone’s voice and sharing stories verbally, even when you can’t be physically with the person, creates far more of a bond and shows you’re committed to the work. It takes ten seconds to send a text; it takes set-aside time to make a phone call. Prioritize it, and command it from your partner.

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