Photo: Ahmed akacha

Do all breakups need closure?

Closure is important after a breakup because: Your brain needs an authentic narrative to make sense of what happened. Without closure you might keep going back to a relationship that wasn't working. You could be doomed to repeat the same relationship patterns the next time around without closure.

wellsanfrancisco.com - How to Get Closure After a Breakup - Well Clinic San Francisco

How do I know if I'm in the wrong relationship?

You Feel Like Something's Missing But, when that feeling doesn't go away and you constantly feel like there's always one more thing that needs to...

Last updated Jul 5, 2019

Do friends-with-benefits talk everyday?

Exactly how often to talk to a friend with benefits depends on the needs of the parties involved. Some may talk every day, but others might only...

Last updated Jun 3, 2019

Promotion

We all know that it’s important to get closure after a breakup. But what does that even really mean?

Most of us haven’t had terrific models for healthy relationships, let alone healthy breakups. So how can we know what to do post breakup in order to move forward in a healthy way?

What Is Closure?

Closure is such a popular word. We all know it. Most of us say it. But what is closure?

The idea of closure in psychology might not be as old as you might think. Social psychologist Arie Kruglanski created the term “need for closure” in the 1990s. This gave a name to a psychological need that people have – although we all have it to varying degrees. What Kruglanski referred to was this impulse our human brains have to make sense out of a situation. We go through a process of mentally rehearsing all of the things that happened leading up to an event, such as a breakup. The feeling that we are more or less satisfied with our understanding of what happened … well, that’s closure.

Why Closure After a Breakup is So Important

Breakups cause us pain. They hurt. It’s tempting to just try to push through the hurt and get to the other side. However, doing so is a mistake. We need to process those feelings in order to move forward in a healthy way. Our brains need resolution. We need to puzzle through the many things that happened in a relationship and how it ended up in a breakup.

In other words, our brains need to answer the question “WHY?”

Of course, you might not ever know the exact objective reason why things didn’t work out the way that you had hoped. But working through your thoughts and feelings allows you to come to a satisfying-enough conclusion. That is closure. And yes, in case you’re wondering, you need closure after a breakup even if you’re the one who initiated the end of the relationship.

Closure is important after a breakup because:

Your brain needs an authentic narrative to make sense of what happened.

Without closure you might keep going back to a relationship that wasn’t working. You could be doomed to repeat the same relationship patterns the next time around without closure.

What defines a situationship?

Less than a relationship, but more than a casual encounter or booty call, a situationship refers to a romantic relationship that is, and remains,...

Last updated Sep 12, 2021

How long till its not a rebound?

Usually rebound relationships last between 6 to 12 months. If they last years, it's usually because the two partners have come to an understanding,...

Last updated Jun 27, 2022

Promotion

Getting closure allows you to be your best self – and a better future partner in a healthier relationship when the time for that is right.

Why Staying Friends is a Bad Idea

Staying friends with someone you loved sounds like a wonderful idea. In fact, if you were friends before you started dating, it might seem obvious that it would be nice to go back to being “just friends.” But that’s not how relationships work. You can’t just suddenly shift modes like that and be okay. Can you be friends with this person someday? Sure, maybe, if enough time has passed and you both feel like it’s the right, healthy thing for you. But it can’t happen until you’ve had a (long) break in contact. In other words, both of you need to get closure first. Closure happens on your own. It happens by processing your feelings through journaling, talking with people who love you, or working with a therapist. (Or occasionally in a very structured conversation with your ex, usually mediated through a therapist.) In today’s world, social media provides one of the biggest blocks to getting closure. At any given moment, you can pick up your phone, tap a button and there’s your ex. Immediately, the questions and confusion and feelings begin to swirl. This all interrupts the process of getting closure. Therefore, if you want to know how to get closure after a breakup, the number one thing that you can do right now is block all contact with your ex. Don’t allow any connection through any social media channel. Put yourself on a social media break for awhile if you have to. And put a plan in place for what you’re going to do or who you’re going to call when you get that sudden urge to stalk their social media account. Brainstorm a list of things to do instead. Go for a run, put on your favorite music, take a hot shower, write down all of the things you loved/hated about your ex, watch your favorite tv show … make a long list. Then when the urge strikes, turn to your list.

Learn to Forgive (Yourself)

What are girls attracted to physically?

Women, on average, tend to be more attracted to men who have a relatively narrow waist, a V-shaped torso, and broad shoulders. Women also tend to...

Last updated May 25, 2018

What do human relationships do?

Relationships are crucial to our survival as a human race. They facilitate our reproduction, provide love and a nurturing environment for our...

Last updated Jun 16, 2020

Promotion

You’ll go through many different feelings as you process a breakup. Anger, sadness, frustration, overwhelm, loneliness, restlessness, and fear are just a few of the things that might come up. And you might be surprised to discover that you have some forgiveness work to do. Yes, you might need to forgive your ex for some things. But closure also means forgiving yourself. We beat ourselves up a lot when things don’t go the way that we expected. You can probably very quickly come up with a list of things you did “wrong” in the relationship. The “what ifs” and the “if onlys” and “oh, there was that one time.” You might also go the route of simply feeling like you’re not good enough. You’re “too much” or “not lovable” or “broken” or any number of other things that simply aren’t true but feel true in the moment. You are exactly right the way that you are for the stage that you are in your life. And by seeking closure, you’re making the right choice to move forward with your life in a healthy way. Therefore, you’re already making yourself a better person – and partner – for the future. So, acknowledge where you might have done better then let it go. Forgive yourself.

Get Help When Seeking Closure

Sometimes people feel silly about having trouble after a breakup. After all, everyone goes through this right? But that doesn’t mean it’s trivial. Breakups are heartbreaking. They’re hard. And you might need some help with the healing process. Individual therapy with a relationship expert can assist you in figuring out how to get closure after a breakup in the way that is right for you. (And a tip: if you’re in a relationship that you think is about to end, sometimes couples counseling can provide each of you with a way to get closure through the breakup process.) We want to help and support you during this challenging part of your journey. So, contact us today for a free therapy consultation about gaining closure after a break up.

wellsanfrancisco.com - How to Get Closure After a Breakup - Well Clinic San Francisco

How do you know a man loves you in a long distance relationship?

15 signs of true love in a long-distance relationship Strong commitment. ... They will be patient with you. ... You trust each other. ... Their...

Last updated Jun 4, 2020

Who is more faithful in a relationship?

In general, men are more likely than women to cheat: 20% of men and 13% of women reported that they've had sex with someone other than their spouse...

Last updated Jun 20, 2018

Promotion

Why do flings hurt?

Jill McDevitt, tells HelloGiggles, flings could hurt because either the relationship seemed particularly promising, it came into your life at a...

Last updated Feb 17, 2021

Promotion

Are attractive people healthier?

It turns out beauty may be more than skin deep. Attractive people actually have better immune systems, according to a new study published by the...

Last updated Aug 17, 2019