Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Damir.
The proverb “absence makes the heart grow fonder” describes the feeling of greater affection between friends and lovers who are kept apart.
Needing Space Doesn't Mean the Relationship Is Over But a healthy relationship gets even better when each person has the opportunity to pursue...
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There are many reasons why a guy might stop talking to you. Sometimes, it's because he's lost interest. Other times, it's because he's involved...
Read More »Today we get an answer of sorts thanks to the work of Kunal Bhattacharya at Aalto University in Finland and a few pals who say they have searched for evidence to support the proverb by data mining mobile phone records. And they say this clearly shows that humans invest more in relationships when there is a risk of this relationship weakening. First some background. Anthropologists have long noted that many primates invest more effort in relationships after individuals have been forced apart. For example, baboon mothers spend significant time feeding their young and so have little left for the social task of grooming other adult baboons. But when the young ones are weaning and the mothers have more time on their hands, they invest even more time than usual in grooming in an attempt to repair any social relationships that have begun to weaken. In other words, absence clearly makes baboon hearts grow fonder. The same pattern of behavior between individuals who have been apart can be observed in many other animals, including bonobos, elephants, and even hyenas. So it’s not really a surprise to think that humans might invest more resources to shore up relationships that have somehow become weaker. Nevertheless, good evidence to back up this hypothesis has been hard to gather. One factor changing our ability to study human communication behavior is the advent of large data sets associated with patterns of communication. In particular, the data associated with mobile phone use has become a rich source of empirical evidence about all kinds of human activity, such as travel, wealth distribution and mating patterns. Now Bhattacharya and co have mined this rich vein for evidence that absence makes the heart grow fonder. They analyzed a large data set of call records from a European country spanning seven consecutive months in 2007. Their hypothesis is that the strength of relationships is reflected in the number and duration of calls between individuals. The question they attempt to answer is whether people invest more time in relationships that matter when these relationships are at risk. “Friendships require constant time investment for their maintenance, and failure to match quite specific investment schedules leads inexorably to a rapid reduction in relationship quality,” they say.
"The best time to reach out to an ex is when you've fully processed and healed from the breakup," Moreck said. "In other words, share your scars,...
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Match surveyed more than 5,000 men and women and found that half of dudes are over a rejection in a month, while the average woman takes four...
Read More »Here are some signs that it may be time to move on. You're not a priority. You may notice that your friend doesn't make an effort to be with you. ... You don't connect at the same level. Friendships work best when both people want the same type of connection. ... You give more than you take.
After his father died, Paul Marlow, a 36-year-old mental health advocate in Surrey, British Columbia, was at a turning point. “I saw I needed a change,” Marlow says. He wanted to let go of unhealthy habits and start fresh. “I found myself yearning to move away from the old me, the depressed and anxiety-filled me,” he says. But as he tried to move forward, his friends held him back. While Marlow was adopting a healthier lifestyle, his friends prioritized drinking and partying. As Marlow struggled emotionally, his friends reached out less and less, and he realized that it was time to move on. “There can be many reasons that a friendship becomes unhealthy. But any friendship that consistently contributes to our feeling disregarded, devalued, or disrespected should be re-evaluated,” says Gina Handley Schmitt, LMHC, a psychotherapist in the Seattle area and author of Friending: Creating Meaningful, Lasting Adult Friendships.
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