Can you love someone but not respect them?

While the terms “love” and “respect” may seem synonymous, they are, in fact, quite different. It is possible to respect someone but not love them, and vice versa. For example, you may love a relative, but lack respect because of their toxic behavior toward their spouse.

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Aretha Franklin sang about it, and it’s the cornerstone of every successful relationship — respect! You always hear about communication and trust as two of the most important aspects of romantic relationships, but respect is fundamental to a healthy, long-lasting partnership. While the terms “love” and “respect” may seem synonymous, they are, in fact, quite different. It is possible to respect someone but not love them, and vice versa. For example, you may love a relative, but lack respect because of their toxic behavior toward their spouse. Or, you might respect someone for overcoming a difficult situation, but not actually like them much. That said, when it comes to romantic relationships, love and respect need to be intertwined to create happy, healthy relationships.

The Difference Between Love and Respect

When you love someone, you have a strong sense of affection and liking toward someone else. You create emotional closeness, intimacy, and passion. You’re committed to each other’s happiness and each of you feels like you have found the perfect partner. Respect, on the other hand, is a bit more in-depth. Ultimately, respect means you have a deep admiration for someone’s qualities, abilities, and achievements. The main difference between love and respect boils down to this: love is a feeling of affection toward someone, while respect is an admiration for them based on who they are as a person. Respect allows both partners to feel valued, encouraged, and safe. You show kindness and consideration toward each other. You appreciate each other’s differences and accept each other for who you are. You may not always agree on things, but when you respect each other, you’re willing to keep an open mind and consider different perspectives. Maintain a respectful, loving relationship with Relish, our award-winning relationship coaching app. Text a professional relationship coach day or night and receive customized lessons and advice. Take our relationship quiz to get started! Your first week is free!

Why Respect is So Important

When you create a healthy level of respect, you and your partner are able to grow in your own ways while knowing you have each other’s backs no matter what. Respect offers benefits for your relationship as a couple, as well as for you as an individual. Here are the biggest reasons respect is the foundation of any positive relationship:

1. Builds Self-Confidence

When you’re in a relationship based on mutual respect, you’ll never feel afraid to be who you are or pursue your own hobbies and goals. Your partner will support you every step of the way! They will also celebrate your accomplishments and encourage you to do what you love. This all helps build your self-confidence and keeps you feeling good about yourself and the relationship.

2. Allows for Independence

Time apart is healthy in any romantic relationship, and when you respect each other, you understand its importance. Before you can be happy with your partner, you need to be happy with yourself — and you can’t do that without independence. Respect means you and your partner support each other’s need for personal space. It’s so necessary to take time for yourself in order to focus on self-care and personal growth. Without respect, you might feel like you’re not “allowed” to spend time away — and that’s a quick way to derail the relationship.

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3. Improves Communication

Respect means you genuinely care about your partner’s passions, opinions, and feelings. When you talk, you listen to each other, respect what each other has to say, and respond kindly even if there’s a disagreement. More importantly, you actually want to talk to each other! You make time to ask about each other’s needs, wishes, and goals. Even when life gets busy, you find a way to stay connected through talking. Learn more about communication, conflict, trust, and more with Relish! Our relationship coaching app offers personalized lessons, advice, games, quizzes, and insights tailored to your specific needs as a couple. Download the app and get started with your 7-day free trial!

4. Helps You Make Better Decisions Individually and as a Couple

When there is a strong foundation of respect, you and your partner understand the importance of making decisions together. The reason? You are not just thinking about your own needs — you know that your partner’s needs are just as important. Without respect, your partner may try to control you or take charge of any decisions that you’re supposed to make as a couple. In the worst-case scenario, a lack of respect can lead one partner to make individual decisions even when they cause harm to the other.

5. Improves Conflict Skills

All couples argue, but the ones who lack respect for each other lack the ability to “fight fair.” When you respect your partner, you choose not to resort to name-calling, belittling, or yelling. Instead, you focus on the problem at hand, how it makes each of you feel, and the best ways to address it. When respect is involved, you want to resolve the argument. You take the time to listen to your partner, calmly respond, and acknowledge your own behavior and how it may have affected them. Healthy arguing is critical in maintaining a happy relationship, but you can’t implement it without genuine respect.

6. Motivates You to Work Things Out During Rough Patches

Respecting your partner means you appreciate and consider thoughts and opinions that don’t necessarily match your own. When things get tough (and they will at one point or another!), you don’t immediately think about ending things. You understand that your differences and disagreements don’t define your relationship, and because you love and respect each other for who you are, you’re more motivated to work through hardships and come out stronger together.

7. Creates an Emotional Safe Space

Being vulnerable isn’t always easy, but when you are in a relationship filled with respect, you’re more likely to open up and share deeply personal emotions. A respectful partner will never judge or demean how you’re feeling. Instead, they listen, empathize, and find ways to help. At Relish, we understand how difficult it can be to open up about your relationship. Our app is designed to help you and your partner navigate lessons and advice in your own way at your own pace — and a professional relationship coach is there whenever you want to reach out! Take our relationship quiz for free!

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8. Encourages Individual Self-Care

When you truly respect your partner, you want to be the best version of yourself. Because of this, you understand the need for self-care. You know that you can’t be the most loving, supportive partner unless you love and support yourself first. When you practice self-care, you focus on improving your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. By investing in yourself, you’re showing your partner that you’re invested in creating the best possible relationship for the two of you.

9. Helps You Both Feel Valued

When you have a relationship based on mutual respect, you both end up feeling valued and appreciated. Respect is all about admiration for someone, and part of that means showing how much you value who they are as a person. Their traits, abilities, and achievements mean as much to you as your own!

10. Builds Trust

Trust, communication, and respect are all key ingredients in the recipe for a successful relationship, and they all go hand-in-hand. When you show respect for your partner, it improves communication skills, which, in turn, builds trust.

How to Build Respect In Your Relationship

If you believe your relationship is lacking respect, there are ways to improve it! Here are a few tips for building a relationship based on respect:

Support each other’s interests

Work on your communication skills

Set realistic expectations of each other

Be open and honest about how you believe respect should be shown

Take responsibility for your actions, especially during arguments

Never stop asking questions about each other’s needs, wants, and goals

Respect boundaries and personal space

Talk to each other as much as possible

Validate each other’s feelings, even if you don’t agree with them

At the end of the day, you and your partners are human beings. You each have your own ideas, opinions, values, and beliefs — and if you are trying to change or control them, you’re not offering the respect your partner deserves. Respect means you hold each other in high regard while showing admiration and appreciation. When you do, you’ll create a healthy, lasting, and loving relationship. Relish is an award-winning relationship coaching app that gives couples access to personalized lessons, insights, games, therapist-approved quizzes, and advice from a professional relationship expert. Download the app and try us out free for 7 days!

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