Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: August de Richelieu
At some point your passionate love will fade, but it's important to appreciate that companionate love has its own benefits. And if you want to keep that passion and spark as alive as possible, keep chasing new experiences. Your brain — and your relationship — will thank you.
"So often, narcissistic folks can't win on their birthdays," she says. "They want that day to be something more grandiose and corrective, and it...
Read More »
How long does the romantic phase last? Studies have estimated the euphoric stage can last anywhere from six months to two years. Although a small...
Read More »The myth of the seven-year itch is a strong one. Is there a point where, no matter how happy you've been in a relationship, things just get a little boring or the spark fades away completely? A lot of us are fascinated by this idea. Maybe you've experienced love fading after a certain point in past relationships or maybe you're currently very much in love and want it to stay that way forever. No matter what your situation, it can be totally normal to wonder about why love fades over time — and how you can stop it. The truth is, there's no fool-proof way to keep the love alive, but understanding how our brains play a role can help you protect yourself, and your relationship, from the erosion of time. Dr. Dan Lieberman and Michael Long, co-authors of The Molecule of More: How A Single Molecule in Your Brain Drives Love, Sex, and Creativity -- and Will Determine the Fate of the Human Race, coming August 2018, are experts in a singular, powerful chemical that affects all of us: dopamine. They have some real insights on why love changes over time. But first, when thinking about this change, it's important to understand the difference between companionship and passionate love. "Attachment — known scientifically as 'companionate love' —is quite different from romance, chemically speaking," Dr. Lieberman tells Bustle. "Attachment comes from the satisfaction we take in being around another person, day after day. These brain chemicals, also called neurotransmitters, are associated with the here and now. Attachment is less about 'What’s next?' and more about 'Your company, right now, is enough for me.'" Think of older couples holding hands, happy nights in on the sofa. It's great, but it can be very different than the first throes of passion. "This matters because early or ''passionate' love, the gateway to attachment, is so different," Long tells Bustle. "Instead of being driven by 'here and now' (H&N) brain chemicals that are active when your attention is focused on the present, passionate love is driven by a single chemical, dopamine — and dopamine rewards us for pursuing things we don’t yet have but that might be useful. Love and sex propagate the species. Those are infinitely useful, so dopamine gives us a buzz when the possibility appears. That buzz encourages pursuit – in this case, meeting new people, flirting, and dating. And the neurochemical buzz of pursuit is, as we all know, intense." And though it's a great buzz, it can be tricky to maintain in a relationship.
Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord” (Romans...
Read More »
Here are some signs to find out and be sure about signs someone is hiding their feelings for you: Observe their body language. They pay attention...
Read More »
If someone considers you an important part of their life, they'll value the moments they share with you. To put it another way, someone who values...
Read More »
Takeaway. You may never totally forget about the person you love, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Eventually, with time and healing, you'll...
Read More »Even though settling into companionate love has its benefits as passion fades, that doesn't mean that dopamine is totally off the table. "What most people do — and what most people want — eventually is to cross that bridge into companionate love that requires us to make a choice: to appreciate someone in the here and now," Long says. "But that doesn’t mean couples have to part with the dopamine thrill of romance, not at all. To keep that spark, create dopamine-driven experiences that you can enjoy together." And, because dopamine is triggered by doing something new, it's important to keep the novelty alive in your relationship. The good news? It doesn't all have to be daredevil stunts (though those certainly will do the trick), it can be anything new. "Visit a new restaurant, especially one that serves a cuisine you don’t know, or that involves some experience or activity that’s new to you," Dr. Lieberman says. "Skydiving, horseback riding, go-cart racing, a museum tour — anything you haven’t done before, or done before together. Whether it’s a vacation, date night, or the bedroom, put yourself in a situation where you’re experiencing the dopamine buzz not only from the surprises in the activity but also from surprising reactions of your partner." Understanding how our brain chemicals work can help us improve our relationship and even protect it over time. At some point your passionate love will fade, but it's important to appreciate that companionate love has its own benefits. And if you want to keep that passion and spark as alive as possible, keep chasing new experiences. Your brain — and your relationship — will thank you.
If a couple goes on one date a week, that's anywhere from 10 to 12 dates before they establish exclusivity, according to the survey. Say, schedules...
Read More »
The 90/10 principle says that 90% of the reason you react a certain way to your partner, is something that you brought to the relationship. It's...
Read More »
According to WebMD, the “in love” stage of an affair lasts 6 to 18 months, on average. And around 75% of the marriages that start as affairs end in...
Read More »
Yes. Your marriage can come back from emotional infidelity. “Marriages can not only survive emotional affairs, they can become stronger than they...
Read More »
Promotion
Promotion
Promotion
Promotion
Promotion