Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: John Diez
Spending time apart can make your relationship a whole lot healthier, Erickson says, because it gives you both a chance to reconnect with your own values, desires. It'll be easier to connect in a genuine way after you've had some space, as well as a lot more exciting.
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Read More »If your relationship is starting to fall apart, your first instinct might be to cling to your partner, talk 24/7, sift through each other’s every emotion — whatever might help you feel close again. Experts say it’s often easier to revive a broken relationship with space than to mend a rift by being all up in each other’s business. This is especially true if you’ve tried to work through your problems but haven’t been able to have a meaningful discussion. Suppose you keep arguing or shutting down. In that case, the conflict is a sign that stress has taken over and caused a “fight, flight, or freeze” response, Dr. Sarah Rattray, a couples psychologist and founder and CEO of the Couples Communication Institute, tells Bustle. “When you are in that fight-or-flight state, productive conversations and a rekindling of warmth and connection are almost impossible,” she says. Whether it’s due to ongoing arguments or intense worry that your relationship is about to end, your body will experience it all as “danger” and make it difficult to function. By spending time apart, however, cooler heads can prevail — and you might even be able to figure out what’s wrong. Space can also fix a relationship that’s crumbling due to loss of individuality. While you’ll most likely want to spend lots of time together as a couple, problems might arise if one or both of you is too dependent on the other to fulfill all their needs, or if your needs are never prioritized, Lauren Pass Erickson, MA, LPCC, R-DMT, a somatic therapist, tells Bustle.
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Read More »From there, take twenty minutes — or however long — and do your own thing. No talking, texting, or arguing allowed. Use the time to take deep breaths, Rattray says, to relax in a hot shower, talk to a friend, etc. Avoid staying revved up, though, and “reliving in your mind what irritated you about your partner,” she adds. “Intentionally relaxing and then returning to each other with a fresh, calm state of mind will open the door to reviving your relationship.”
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