Infatuation Rules
Infatuation Rules
Photo: Dila E
If you're in a sexless marriage and want to fix it, there is hope. A lot of it is based on communication and a willingness to be open with your needs. Dr. Varma suggests finding a time to speak when both partners are not feeling angry, tired, or stressed.
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Read More »There may come a point in your marriage when you notice that you aren’t having as much sex as you used to (because...life). You might wonder how much sex is considered healthy and whether or not you should be concerned, especially if you would never describe your union as loveless. According to a report from the General Social Survey , the average married couple has sex about 58 times per year, or a little more than once per week. This falls in line with a from the Archives of Sexual Behavior that surveyed 14,885 married people, aged 18 to 70+, and found that the average married adult, err, goes at it, 56 times a year, or roughly once a week, a decrease from 1989 when it was 67 times per year. However, what’s considered “normal” can vary for many couples, and just because you're not having sex doesn't necessarily mean you're headed for a divorce if you're both otherwise satisfied. “Some people will tell you that they have too little sex—and that could mean it’s only three times a week, as in, it used to be three times a day, and now its dropped down considerably,” Dr. Sue Varma , board-certified psychiatrist, couples counselor and sex educator on faculty at NYU Langone Health, says. “Another person may say, wow, I’d do anything to have sex that frequently with my partner. People get into unrealistic comparisons with others over some arbitrary standard." However, Dr. Varma thinks if you can’t remember the last time you’ve had sex with your partner, then it might be an issue. This content is imported from poll. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site. “Life would be easier if we could state an actual scientific number of how many times we should have sex but in reality, there is no right answer to this equation, Patrice N. Douglas , Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Owner of Empire Counseling & Consultation , says. “Once a week seems to be the ideal for most marriages but sometimes once a month can be healthy as well.”
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Read More »A 1994 survey in The Social Organization of Sexuality showed that roughly 15 to 20 percent of married couples are in a sexless relationship. Many different factors can contribute to a decrease in intimacy. There can be life stressors like financial struggles, as well as physical changes such as weight gain or loss that can cause insecurity, and mental health issues, to name a few. Of course, there can also be issues in the relationship like resentment, infidelity, and boredom. All of these factors can affect the desire to have sex with your spouse. “In the beginning of a relationship, many couples make it a priority to have sex,” Dr. Varma says. “Over time, we become habituated and desensitized to the novelty of it all, and there is a more common, deeper sense of knowing someone.” Douglas adds that droughts are normal.
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Read More »If your partner is the one who is more concerned about the lack of sex, listen to their concerns, be understanding, and make sure you’re willing to communicate. Douglas also says it’s important to create intimacy beyond "sex," whether it’s with physical affection like hugging, kissing, or caressing of the hair, or with compliments. You can also show your partner that you care by spending time with them, or doing things that might make their day easier.
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