At what age do boys start liking girls?

In terms of an 'average' age, it seems to be 11 for girls and 12 for boys. But don't worry about averages… who wants to be average, anyway! Furthermore, even if his body says he is ready, intellectually, his mind might not be on the same wavelength just yet.

alysonschafer.com - Parents #AskAlyson: No Interest In Girls Yet | Alyson Schafer

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Hi Alyson,

I’m wondering what is the “average” age for boys to start getting interested in girls? My son is 10 and it seems like all his friends are talking about girls now and who likes who. My son is clearly not interested. At all. I know I should be thankful, just looking for confirmation that this is normal and that he will get there when he is ready. 10 seems very early for this to be happening, so I’m hoping he is the normal one and the other boys are just early?

Cindy

Hi Cindy,

Thanks for your letter. Your son is normal! Truth is, at this age, tweens are so unpredictable and erratic that just about anything can be “normal”. Sexual and psychological development take place at different rates for each child. The fact that he doesn’t seem to be taking interest or showing any curiosity when it comes to girls is perfectly normal. The age for the onset of puberty and intellectual maturation ranges from as early as 8 and as late as 14. This is a huge gap – and it is likely that you son will fall within this range. In terms of an ‘average’ age, it seems to be 11 for girls and 12 for boys. But don’t worry about averages…who wants to be average, anyway! Furthermore, even if his body says he is ready, intellectually, his mind might not be on the same wavelength just yet. The two don’t always line up during the process. Geography and environment also play a big role when it comes to the ages and stages of early dating. At some schools it seems to be the natural thing to do when kids hit Grades 4-6. They start to split off into “couples” and smaller groups. “Going with someone” might simply mean they talk at recess and walk home from school together. In another school just a few blocks away, the culture could be very different. If the recess agenda includes playing soccer and doing things in large groups, the “coupling” process may not start to take place until grade 8. Based on this idea of tween culture – just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean your son needs to. This is actually a great sign of independence and confidence. He’s not into it just yet and he feels no obligation to conform. Good for him! The bottom line is that we need to realize what “dating” means to them at the various ages. If it simply means you spend your recess talking to your other half, your son may not be willing to give up his physical activity and basketball 1 on 1 game yet. It’s perfectly normal! Lastly, just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean your son needs to. He’s not into just yet and he feels no obligation to conform. Good for him!

Alyson

P.S. I have an upcoming tween workshop you should check out. You may find a lot more information that is helpful during this new stage of parenting life.

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What is the lowest age you should date?

For many kids, 16 seems to be an appropriate age, but it may be entirely suitable for a mature 15-year-old to go on a date, or to make your immature 16-year-old wait a year or two. You can also consider what other parents are doing.

healthline.com - What Age Is Appropriate for Dating: A Guide for Parents - Healthline

When your child mentions dating, or a girlfriend or boyfriend, try to get an idea of what those concepts mean to them. Take note of how your child reacts when you discuss dating. It could be a little uncomfortable or embarrassing, but if your child is unable to even discuss it with you without getting defensive or upset, take that as a sign that they probably aren’t ready.

Other things to consider include the following.

Is your child really interested in someone in particular, or are they just trying to keep up with what friends are doing?

Do you think your son or daughter would tell you if something went wrong?

Is your child generally confident and happy?

Does your child’s physical development match their emotional development?

Be aware that for many tweens and young teenagers, dating amounts to socializing in a group. While there may be interest between two in particular, it’s not double-dating so much as a group heading out or meeting up at the movies or the mall. This kind of group stuff is a safe and healthy way to interact with members of the opposite sex without the awkwardness that a one-on-one scenario can bring. Think of it as dating with training wheels. So, when is a child ready for one-on-one dating? There’s no right answer. It’s important to consider your child as an individual. Consider their emotional maturity and sense of responsibility. For many kids, 16 seems to be an appropriate age, but it may be entirely suitable for a mature 15-year-old to go on a date, or to make your immature 16-year-old wait a year or two.

You can also consider what other parents are doing. Are lots of kids the same as yours already dating in the true sense of the word?

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