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Am I the narcissist in the relationship?

Narcissistic Behaviors In relationships, narcissists may exhibit some or all of the following behaviors: Requiring excessive admiration: “They need constant compliments and praise, and can be very critical if they feel their partner is not taking care of them in the way they expect,” Gingold says.

womansday.com - How to Tell If You're In a Narcissistic Relationship, and What to Do About It

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It’s normal to have a partner who is self-involved on occasion, but if you find yourself in a relationship with a true narcissist partner, you are at risk of emotional manipulation and other controlling behaviors. Many people exhibit narcissistic traits, such as requiring excessive admiration, arrogance, and exaggerated self-importance, but far fewer have narcissistic personality disorder. “There’s a difference between being a narcissist and having narcissistic traits,” Dr. Rachel Gingold, PhD, a licensed psychologist in New Jersey, tells Woman’s Day. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) defines narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) as a person who has at least five out of nine specific narcissistic traits. But these behaviors don’t always manifest themselves in the same ways. “I really think of narcissism as something that’s on a spectrum, like most mental health issues,” Rachel Schechter, a licensed clinical social worker in Washington, D.C. tells Woman’s Day. Although only licensed healthcare professionals can diagnose someone with a personality disorder, here are several examples of narcissistic behaviors and steps you can take if you wish to end a relationship with a partner exhibiting these traits.

Narcissistic Behaviors

In relationships, narcissists may exhibit some or all of the following behaviors:

Requiring excessive admiration: “They need constant compliments and praise, and can be very critical if they feel their partner is not taking care of them in the way they expect,” Gingold says. Controlling everything: “Narcissists often feel the need to control everything," Schechter says. "They constantly need to feel superior and put down the people around them." A narcissistic person isn’t constantly staring in the mirror. Rather, they are ignoring their partner’s needs and lacking empathy. martin-dm Rejecting responsibility: “They lack a sense of responsibility when things don’t go the way they want. If something doesn’t go right, it’s never their fault. They always blame someone else,” Schechter says. Ignoring their partner’s needs: They don’t think about their partner’s happiness or remember things their partner likes. “They’ll forget their partner’s birthday, but will expect a big deal to be made about their birthday. There isn’t much reciprocity,” Gingold explains. Lacking empathy: “Narcissists usually demonstrate a lack of empathy,” Schechter says. “But it can be confusing, because they may sometimes have the capacity for empathy, often for their own advantage. There may be hints of empathy, unlike a sociopath who has no empathy. Overall, a tell-tale sign is a lack of empathy that can be very hard to navigate in a relationship.”

Narcissists’ Charisma

A narcissist can initially seem like a very attractive partner. Their abilities to be charismatic and lavish attention on you can quickly draw you in. “They will be incredibly charming and doting if they think being with you will complement them or help them in some way,” Gingold says. “They’ll gush on you with attention and seemingly idealize you. That’s part of how people can become fooled.” This content is imported from poll. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

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Underneath the Narcissism

Behind their bravado and desperate need for attention, narcissists hide intense feelings of insecurity. “Underneath all of this is are repressed feelings of low self-esteem,” Schechter says. “They have issues being close to anyone, and are actually trying to protect themselves from anyone seeing their imperfections. They need to be perfect, and you need to be perfect in return. If things don’t turn out the way they want, which they never do, you’re the one left being blamed.” Gingold agrees, noting that “the sense of self is so fragile or nonexistent when it comes to narcissistic personality disorder. There’s a reliance on external feedback to feel like you exist in the world.”

Breaking Up With a Narcissist

If you’re currently in a relationship with a narcissist, you should proceed carefully. Narcissists can be very difficult partners, and often don’t recognize that they have a problem. If you decide to end the relationship, don’t expect an easy or amicable breakup. “I think it would be an understatement to say that it’s tricky to break up with narcissistic,” Schechter says. “If the relationship isn’t working, it’s a delicate process to end it. A narcissist will never say something like ‘oh, I get it! You’re better off without me.’” When breaking up with a narcissistic partner, make sure to be extremely explicit that the relationship is over for good. “Be firm and clear that you’re sticking with your choice," Schechter says. "Don’t let them convince you otherwise, or engage you in blame game behavior. Once you’ve made a decision, let them know that it’s final." Try and set yourself up for success for your next relationship by putting yourself first and knowing your worth. “Be in a healthy place yourself first before you go into a relationship,” Gingold says. “I say it over and over again to my patients: your sense of self needs to be intact to be in a healthy relationship, and to see what’s unhealthy.”

womansday.com - How to Tell If You're In a Narcissistic Relationship, and What to Do About It

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